Hapo la ziada sina..Yote nakuachia wewe mtu wangu...Hapo mwenyewe Umekubali.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Dressed for Self Defense
In fact she is tactically dressed to protect...Huyo ni mlinzi wa bibie Condoleeza Rice..Waziri wa mambo ya nje wa marekani. Now, do you remember..Dressing for self defense? Loose but fitting trouser, Laced up shoes? Long sleeves?..Right..Now do you see any weapons? Secret and Concealed.
Rais Karzai naye...
Ananing'inia au?
Huyo bibiye ukimtaka anapatikana hukooo St. Peterburg, Russia. Anatafuta mchumba. Unasemaje? Hataki mchezo...Siku akikufumania..Heh.. Hiyo aliyoruka inaitwa Twimyo Yop Chaggi.
The Final Bridge to Yellow Belt...Duuuh
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Dressing for self defense
Self-defense, Self-defense, Self-defense ………
Yeah Yaah Yaah…Blaah …Blaah…Blaah …
Self-defense this…Self-defense that…
When the shit hits the fan out there in the streets …It is all crap. Bad timing …Bad training …Yes … Habari ndio hiyo …
You decide to join a martial arts gym or whatever …
Si unajua tena mzee …Mani lazima niwe fiti halafu ile kuweza kujiselfu difensi…Mwanangu wakija vibaka…Noma…Nawapa za chembe, kidevu… wenyewe wanaingia mitini…
Like I said …Crap …Bullshit …Upuuzi …
You think they care …Well …They don’t… and no damn is given by them …
That…Plus the commitment that they have (To rob you)… They will always succeed … I bet you’ll find them upon you before you can say “Mama”.
Yes …That is…Unless …
Unless what!!
Unless you are prepared …
You must always be prepared…
By being prepared you will automatically be on your guard …
Now; we start with your dressing habits. If you have joined the warriors’ world for real then heed my words, but if you’re in it for some gold medal then skip this part … kindly … that is.
Assuming that your instructor has introduced you to the world of Secret and Concealed weaponry … (I am sure he hasn’t’).
First check ratiba yako … unategemea kurudi nyumbani saa ngapi? Kwa kutumia usafiri gani?
Because; it generally depends on the following factors; your office dressing code, mode of transport and the area that you live or visit regularly.
Use logic; if you are a corporate person it won’t be a good idea to wear jeans trouser, T-shirt combination …. That goes for the office dressing code.
Suppose you live at mbagala or Gongo la mboto … Your mode of transport being a “fit for umagga, Great kali and John Cena only” type of public transport where you have to actually wrestle in order to just get an access to the bus door then a corporate style 3-piece suit will not suit you at all… sijui unanielewa … au ..
Lets assume you are an average person … living in a medium to high risk area … lets say.. Manzese?.... Tandale?... Choose One …. You use public transport … Daladala…Ususally you hit the road at 6.00am sharp…and you have a 5 to 7 minutes walk to the bus stand. Your route takes you through a maze of vichochoro…
If all goes well by 6.30am you are inside the bus on your way. Jioni huwa inategemea lakini by 8.30pm unakuwa umeshafika home... (Provided hauna nyumba ndogo... au ka-demu fulani kanakohitaji personal attention)... Otherwise labda iwe umepitia pub kupata mbili tatu na washikaji na kucheza pool…
Back to your attire: If you are well into the world of Secret and Concealed weaponry then you should choose a nice, long sleeved shirt (although some “experts” will tell you that long sleeves make it easy for someone to grasp and grapple you… well.. there won’t be time to do so because the fight will be over in 5 to 7 seconds.. believe me..) so that you can hide some weapons.
The more the “firepower” you have the more the chance of surviving. Loose but fitting trouser will follow. Tight trousers are not for us dear warriors… they impede your ability to maneuvers yourself….
Your trouser should have secured back pockets and “deep” frontal ones. It is quite embarrassing to sit and find out that your private items such as keys, etc slipped out of your pockets just because they were not deep enough…
The choice of shoes…Choose lace-up shoes with good treads. If you kick someone you don’t want to see your shoes fly off just because they were not securely laced-up or find yourself flat on your back, face up staring at the sky because you slipped due to the fact that your shoes had no surface gripping treads …Therefore your choice of shoes is very important.
Uko hapo?...Poa
Now, let’s go upstairs again…On your shirt pocket, Place at least one or two non-leaking pens. Preferably pilot or techno brands.
What are those for? Well...You know the drill...Don’t yah?...Someone tries to assault you…He will be surprised, unfortunately for him, to find a pen sticking out of his eye or throat.
There you are! Those are not just pens. They are weapons. Secret and Concealed. Talking about hiding in plain sight.
How? That’s so because when someone looks at you all he sees is just a simple man probably a teller at one of the banks in town. Bad for him…Good for you.
The trouser; It should be loose but fitting which means that it will stay in place even when the waist belt is removed. This brings us to another weapon.
The belt…
Go out and buy yourself a 100% leather belt.
Now, when the shit hits the air-conditioner (not the fan) just swiftly remove the trouser belt in a single movement, fold it once. Hold it on one side and you have the looped side, good for strangulation…
Hold it on the other side and you have the metal buckle dangling freely. Coil the non-metallic side around your hand and you have something good for whacking a kibaka across the face. This is a potentially deadly weapon when placed in the hands of an expert.
Furthermore the belt can be used to hide some stuff.
What...A knife?
No…The opposition will surely see it and be ready. What I am referring her is not something that will be seen by the opposition. Remember the catchword…Secret and Concealed.
For the ladies the options are almost the same except for:
(i) If you wear a skirt make sure inside you have a tight skin mini short. A plain G-string...Forget it. It is surely no joy when you are thrown down…Your legs traveling in different directions…east and west (spreading) in front of a rapist. G-string torn…G-spot destroyed.
(ii) If you wear high heeled shoes remember that you walking on weapons. When the shit decides to hit whatever just remove them and proceed as required. i.e. deface the culprit. Being whacked seriously in the face with the pointed part of a high heel is a surely no joy experience. Believe me.
Therefore my brothers and sisters…It is important to have the right dress code for self defense. We call it dressing for self defense. I can go on and on but for now I think this is enough…to start with.
Yeah Yaah Yaah…Blaah …Blaah…Blaah …
Self-defense this…Self-defense that…
When the shit hits the fan out there in the streets …It is all crap. Bad timing …Bad training …Yes … Habari ndio hiyo …
You decide to join a martial arts gym or whatever …
Si unajua tena mzee …Mani lazima niwe fiti halafu ile kuweza kujiselfu difensi…Mwanangu wakija vibaka…Noma…Nawapa za chembe, kidevu… wenyewe wanaingia mitini…
Like I said …Crap …Bullshit …Upuuzi …
You think they care …Well …They don’t… and no damn is given by them …
That…Plus the commitment that they have (To rob you)… They will always succeed … I bet you’ll find them upon you before you can say “Mama”.
Yes …That is…Unless …
Unless what!!
Unless you are prepared …
You must always be prepared…
By being prepared you will automatically be on your guard …
Now; we start with your dressing habits. If you have joined the warriors’ world for real then heed my words, but if you’re in it for some gold medal then skip this part … kindly … that is.
Assuming that your instructor has introduced you to the world of Secret and Concealed weaponry … (I am sure he hasn’t’).
First check ratiba yako … unategemea kurudi nyumbani saa ngapi? Kwa kutumia usafiri gani?
Because; it generally depends on the following factors; your office dressing code, mode of transport and the area that you live or visit regularly.
Use logic; if you are a corporate person it won’t be a good idea to wear jeans trouser, T-shirt combination …. That goes for the office dressing code.
Suppose you live at mbagala or Gongo la mboto … Your mode of transport being a “fit for umagga, Great kali and John Cena only” type of public transport where you have to actually wrestle in order to just get an access to the bus door then a corporate style 3-piece suit will not suit you at all… sijui unanielewa … au ..
Lets assume you are an average person … living in a medium to high risk area … lets say.. Manzese?.... Tandale?... Choose One …. You use public transport … Daladala…Ususally you hit the road at 6.00am sharp…and you have a 5 to 7 minutes walk to the bus stand. Your route takes you through a maze of vichochoro…
If all goes well by 6.30am you are inside the bus on your way. Jioni huwa inategemea lakini by 8.30pm unakuwa umeshafika home... (Provided hauna nyumba ndogo... au ka-demu fulani kanakohitaji personal attention)... Otherwise labda iwe umepitia pub kupata mbili tatu na washikaji na kucheza pool…
Back to your attire: If you are well into the world of Secret and Concealed weaponry then you should choose a nice, long sleeved shirt (although some “experts” will tell you that long sleeves make it easy for someone to grasp and grapple you… well.. there won’t be time to do so because the fight will be over in 5 to 7 seconds.. believe me..) so that you can hide some weapons.
The more the “firepower” you have the more the chance of surviving. Loose but fitting trouser will follow. Tight trousers are not for us dear warriors… they impede your ability to maneuvers yourself….
Your trouser should have secured back pockets and “deep” frontal ones. It is quite embarrassing to sit and find out that your private items such as keys, etc slipped out of your pockets just because they were not deep enough…
The choice of shoes…Choose lace-up shoes with good treads. If you kick someone you don’t want to see your shoes fly off just because they were not securely laced-up or find yourself flat on your back, face up staring at the sky because you slipped due to the fact that your shoes had no surface gripping treads …Therefore your choice of shoes is very important.
Uko hapo?...Poa
Now, let’s go upstairs again…On your shirt pocket, Place at least one or two non-leaking pens. Preferably pilot or techno brands.
What are those for? Well...You know the drill...Don’t yah?...Someone tries to assault you…He will be surprised, unfortunately for him, to find a pen sticking out of his eye or throat.
There you are! Those are not just pens. They are weapons. Secret and Concealed. Talking about hiding in plain sight.
How? That’s so because when someone looks at you all he sees is just a simple man probably a teller at one of the banks in town. Bad for him…Good for you.
The trouser; It should be loose but fitting which means that it will stay in place even when the waist belt is removed. This brings us to another weapon.
The belt…
Go out and buy yourself a 100% leather belt.
Now, when the shit hits the air-conditioner (not the fan) just swiftly remove the trouser belt in a single movement, fold it once. Hold it on one side and you have the looped side, good for strangulation…
Hold it on the other side and you have the metal buckle dangling freely. Coil the non-metallic side around your hand and you have something good for whacking a kibaka across the face. This is a potentially deadly weapon when placed in the hands of an expert.
Furthermore the belt can be used to hide some stuff.
What...A knife?
No…The opposition will surely see it and be ready. What I am referring her is not something that will be seen by the opposition. Remember the catchword…Secret and Concealed.
For the ladies the options are almost the same except for:
(i) If you wear a skirt make sure inside you have a tight skin mini short. A plain G-string...Forget it. It is surely no joy when you are thrown down…Your legs traveling in different directions…east and west (spreading) in front of a rapist. G-string torn…G-spot destroyed.
(ii) If you wear high heeled shoes remember that you walking on weapons. When the shit decides to hit whatever just remove them and proceed as required. i.e. deface the culprit. Being whacked seriously in the face with the pointed part of a high heel is a surely no joy experience. Believe me.
Therefore my brothers and sisters…It is important to have the right dress code for self defense. We call it dressing for self defense. I can go on and on but for now I think this is enough…to start with.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Mafunzo ya Kujilinda Dhidi ya Ugaidi
Ratatatat!!...Taah!!...Mwenzako chini...Haraka sana unamuwahi pale chini ili upate kumuondoa kutoka katika eneo la hatari...Si ndiyo?..Nyooooo....Tokeza kidogo...Risasi Buuh..kwenye hilo bichwa lako..ubongo wako nduguzo watakuja wataukuta kulee vichakani..Unafikiri hii ni sinema ya seba mwanangulu?..Kwanza inakupasa kulikagua eneo la hatari kabla hujajitokeza..mara nyingi gaidi atamtumia huyo mwenzako aliyejeruhiwa kuwa chambo ili kukunasa pale utakapotaka kumsaidia. Mkakati ni huu; Macho na Mtutu...yaani; mtutu wa silaha yako unaelekea kule macho yako yanapotazama. Ole wako ulete makengeza! Swali; Itazame vizuri hiyo picha,..Unaweza kuniambia adui amejibanza wapi? Unazo sekunde tatu na nusu.....Pia huyo jamaa mwenye blue t-shirt kuna kosa lingine amefanya..lipi?...Sekunde moja.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Dada yetu wa kichina
Dada yetu, "Hoang Hwe", wa Beijing China akirusha teke nyoofu la pembeni (yop chaggi) "Masela" kuweni makini..Mungu akitujalia atakuja bongo mwaka huu. Lakini..psssstt...chonde chonde..nanihii..eehh..mmhh msi..msih..msije mkajaribu kumpora kisimu chake..Nomaaa..Aibuu...
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